?

Log in

No account? Create an account
LiveJournal for Scott.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 3 entries.

Monday, June 7th, 2004

Subject:Aren't titles too hard to make up?!
Time:11:20 am.
Sigh, I spent 5 minutes thinking of a titile when I realized THIS IS MY FREAKIN JOURNAL! But ya, this isn't some elaborate paper where my typical goal is astound the reader with big words, and my huge intellect. Anyways! Titles are for dorks! ;)

Speaking of dork, I bought Season 6 of Sex and the City. Plan on a long night of Carrie, the black haird girl, Big Red, and the promiscuous one.

Sigh, I don't know why I haven't called those I call friend (or even email) Sarah, Earl, Sarah W (gosh, I bet after our 4 day phone tag sessions she is already gone to New York) I've gotta just force myself to do it, but then why should I have to force it? Its not like I'd be doing something strenous, or taking a bold leap or all that shit....grrr, why am I like that? I actually WANT to hear from these peeps of mine....SO, maybe reading this to myself (sometimes living inside my head scrambles me even more) I will do it!


Alright....meeting family for Lunch at Bravo. SOO excited when I get to let others experience good food with me :)
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, June 6th, 2004

Subject:I'm here and kickin
Time:3:02 am.
Mood: calm.
I've really made some nice strides in my dealings with my family. My therapist says that the family model has each member encased in a bubble, and that each bubble overlaps the others. Emotions are often carried across the family. I hate my grandpa why? Mom hates my grandpa. I have difficulty dealing with my dad. Mom has difficulty/animonisty towards my dad. Moms Depressed. I'm depressed. Anyways, I'm learning how this works, and how to seperate myself (not isolate, but seperate).

All this progress. Not but a week ago I freaked myself out. I was driving to meet a friend at the restaurant Bravo. (GOOOOD FOOD BTW) So ya, I was on my way and stopped at a red light...this car came at me from behind SO fast I knew I was gonna be hit hard, and the only thing I could think of was "Don't Stop". (wow, even now it stops my typing and sends chills). I was so tired (mom and I had ANOTHER argument). Just tired of fighting. After that I had to go meet up with my friend to get some emotional stability

what else do I wanna talk about....I really love my cat. I used to dunk her in water, and throw her in the pool. She is such a great old lil kitty. I've never had strong emotions towards pets but my kitty and I have been through alot.

Same bat time, same bat channel.....
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, June 5th, 2004

Subject:Hmm
Time:3:51 am.
Mood:productive.
Maybe this time I will keep this journal going. I'm not sure what brought on this urge to dig up my journal and start typing as I am doing right now. Its 3:35am, I sit in my dark room while I watch a Girls Gone Wild commerical. How do I feel? Scrambled. Things have been rough, but I see a light. I've allowed someone else to run my life for so long that I'm just now discovering myself. What does Scott need? I haven't known that EVER. I've always been told what I need. I'm tired of conflict, I'm tired of failure, I'm tired of depression. I've taken on this new skin that...as you can tell, has taken some getting used to. My life was decided not long ago, by that O mighty power known as god. I'm angry now. I hope that passes, cause I don't want to be angry. "Gods Will" for my life. Sigh, I've been done with God for awhile now. All I've known is living a life for a reason greater than myself. Now...because of that "Will" I am left without my own goals/direction......Thats something that I am taking back now though!
Enough about all that religion stuff. "I'm tired of conflict". Yes, I've had enough. My family is like a disease on my emotional stability. They live there lives in a realm of hurt. They identify with there pain, and have created a relationship based on it. Negativity, depression, anger, sadness. I feel like I am sometimes the only one who wants to be better, and that pisses me off. All my life I have lived there reality of negaitivity and while I cannot be angered at who these people are...I do have a right to be angered that they have yet to seek a fix.


Alot more to say, but I'm tired....I hope I'll be back to write more. I think this was good.
Comments: Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for Scott.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 3 entries.